Cancer Sticks
by DramaticStarlet
Summary: He doesn't need nicotine this Christmas, when he has her. Merry Christmas! ShaneMitchie.


_cancer sticks._

**sm-sm-smitchie.**

--

this is my last (ya hear my LAST) christmas fic. and it is being posted on – what other day?! – CHRISTMASSS...EVE!. however, i have new years' fics. xDDD what can i say? the holidays put me in a write-y mood!

:) 'tis smitchie. but it's bittersweet. and maybe a little cynical. because...i felt like it. and it's also a little more abstract than my previous work, but i think you'll all like it.

it's based on "fix you" by coldplay, and valentina and i's incessant roleplaying. haha i won't even bothering boring you with why, but vale if you're reading this THINK NICK AND CASEY.

that's all, folks. i hope you have a wonderful day with all of your family friends!

love,  
katie lynn

--

**tears stream down on your face  
when you lose something you cannot replace.  
when you love someone but it goes to waste  
could it be worse?**

She's tired.

As she watches her best friends all around her, snuggling up with one another beside the cozy fire, she feels so tired she can hardly stand it. But she couldn't even go to sleep if she tried, because it's too cold and she needs someone to fall asleep with.

She already knows who that someone is.

"Mitch, come sit with us," Caitlyn says, smiling brightly, because Nate finally got off his high horse and popped the question (and not the one you're thinking of – he's not even close to asking that); _Cait, will you produce my solo album?_

"Why? So I can get up close and personal with you and Nate's kissy faces? No thanks," she giggles. It feels nice to laugh genuinely, easily – like it just bubbles out of her throat and into the air.

Nate pulls a Mitchie, and blushes ten different shades of pink in a matter of minutes. "You're funny, Michelle," he mumbles abashedly as his curls fall into his face, hiding the sparkle in his brown eyes.

Mitchie just grins, because she can tell he's almost sick with love right now. The way he feels for Caitlyn is plastered all over his eyes and his lips (and not just because they're swollen and chapped from so much making out).

"I know I am, Nathaniel," she winks playfully as she stands up. "I'm gonna go check on Shane. He's been outside for a while."

Caitlyn's smile immediately disappears at the mention of Nate's brother. "Mitch," she stands up as well and pulls her friend aside. "You broke up with him."

"A year ago, Cait. He can still be my friend, can't he?" Mitchie lies to herself because no they can't be freaking friends, especially when she's still head-over-feet for him and she still catches him looking at her like she's the sun that lights his life.

"You've gotta be kidding me, Mitchie," Caitlyn rolls her eyes and walks away, probably to mack on Nate some more.

Mitchie frowns like her bubble has officially been popped and puts on her out of fashion Uggs (short for 'ugly as sin') and a jacket – and she looks so mismatched it's not even funny – before walking out to front door to sit next to him.

Him.

Shane Gray.

He's sitting on her porch smoking one of his God forsaken cigarettes, staring at the sky blankly.

"I thought you quit," she says, taking it away from him.

"I did," he replies, prepared to take it back until she sticks it in her mouth. What is this, Mitchie Torres smoking a cancer stick? Tsk tsk tsk.

"Then what's with the cigarette?" she asked, taking a drag before exhaling the smoke.

Shane shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "I get stressed. It's relaxing."

Mitchie looks at him disapprovingly. "Give me the carton."

He stares at her with bemused hazel-brown eyes.

"No."

Mitchie purses her lips and reaches into the pocket of his leather jacket, extracting a carton of Marlboro cigarettes. The good kind. The expensive ones that he used to buy three packs of a week. The ones he'd stopped smoking when they were dating.

"You're gonna smoke every cigarette in this pack," she says quietly, matter-of-factly.

"You're kidding, right?" Shane snorts, rolling his eyes.

"No. I'm not. You're gonna smoke every cigarette in here, since you seem to like them so much," Mitchie takes another drag of the cigarette, even though she hates it. She's smoked a few times before, and even though it IS relaxing like he says, the taste is disgusting.

Shane gives her a look that says 'you aren't the boss of me anymore Mitchie you broke up with me nananana booboo I don't have to do what you say' but he pulls one of the white sticks from the carton and lights it up.

She watches his jaw relax, and his eyes close, and for a minute she's really jealous that he can close his eyes so effortlessly and she can't no matter how hard she tries (and it's ironic, but it's HIS fault she can't sleep in the first place).

"You're going to ruin my addiction," he says to her as he takes a lazy drag.

"Good."

And then it's silent.

Mitchie hears Caitlyn yell at Nate because he's being a motherfreaking loser and he needs to stop tickling her this second and does he like his ability to have children because he's going to lose it really frigging fast if he keeps up.

She turns around to watch, but instead sees Tess kissing Jason under the mistletoe.

Mitchie's heart clenches.

Everybody has somebody.

Except for her.

And that makes her a nobody.

"Penny for your thoughts, Torres?" Shane smiles easily at her.

Mitchie blushes, wishing she could remember why in the hell she broke up with Shane in the first place.

"Just wishing I had what Nate and Caitlyn and Jason and Tess have," she tries to shrug it off nonchalantly, but this is Shane freaking Gray we're talking about and she's still head over feet for the guy but she broke up with him because she's Mitchie freaking Torres and he's Shane freaking Gray. _When did I get so neurotic?_

"You did have that. You threw it away, remember?" he replies quietly and exhales, something like smoke or the contrast of his hot breath on the cold air escaping his lips. Or maybe it's a combination of both.

Mitchie feels her own combination of anger and sadness and bitterness and regret.

"Maybe I never took out the trash," she says softly.

Shane looks at her and laughs at her metaphor. "The hell's that supposed to mean?"

"It was code for put out the damned cigarette and kiss me."

Mitchie freaking Torres is not a bold person. Unless she's around Shane freaking Gray, of course.

He brings out her worst qualities. On the flip side, he brings out her best qualities. It's a win-lose situation.

"You can't just walk out here and tell me to smoke a pack of cigarettes and then demand I kiss you. You're not the boss of me, Mitchie. I don't have to do what you say."

"Then why are you smoking the pack of cigarettes, Shane?" she asks, and she **love**_love_loves that she's winning. She never used to win fights with Shane. Ever.

Shane opens his mouth to speak, but instead just crushes his cigarette beneath the tip of his shoe and lights up another.

(Like your lungs marinated in nicotine and then barbequed to a nice, blackened crisp? Buy Marlboro Cigarettes! Guaranteed to take ten years off your life!)

Mitchie watches him smoke, and for one twisted minute she kind of likes how relaxed he looks, and the way his purity ring (Shane Gray, you _liar_) glints as the Christmas lights of red and green reflect off it.

"Wanna tell me why you ditched me?" Shane asks, tapping some ash from his death stick.

"I don't know."

"What."

It's not a question. It's a statement. _What._

"I don't know," Mitchie bites her lip and closes her eyes, because she knows she sounds like a total loser/idiot/sell-out.

"You don't know."

"I don't know."

"Am I really that awful that you don't even have a REASON for breaking up with me? You just hate my existence?" Shane looks at her incredulously, and she can't believe what a joke this all is.

"I don't know why I did it. I was feeling insecure or mad or some other emotion that I don't remember. I just know that I regret it," she bites her lip.

"You regret it."

"I regret it."

And she does. It's quite possibly her BIGGEST regret.

Shane doesn't look at her anymore.

He simply sits there, and blackens his lungs more until he's on his last cigarette.

"I'm so sick of these. I'll never smoke again as long as I live," he runs a hand through his hair as he lights the last cigarette he'll ever smoke (and you know because Shane freaking Gray never goes back on his word).

"Is that a promise?"

"I hate you."

"What."

_(You hate me? What? Why?! No, you can't hate me. Not when I love you. Not when it's Christmas.)_

"You ruined my addiction. You ruined the only thing that was fixing me," he hisses softly, shooting daggers at you with his eyes.

She bites her lip. "Why do you need fixing?"

"Because you broke me."

Shane's voice is so quiet, so so quiet, as he says the words. She wants to kiss the frown off his face. She wants to say something funny like 'your compassion is showing' and make him smile the smile she loves more than anything in the world. But she can't. All she does is sits and stares at him like a total loser/idiot/sell-out (and really, she kind of is one).

"I'm sorry," Mitchie murmurs, covering his hand with her own. "If I could take it all back, I would."

She thinks he's going to say something cynical ("Take it – it's yours"), but instead he just leans over and kisses her softly.

Cigarettes are on his breath, making her cringe, but she doesn't dare pull away because this moment is just so wonderful. The imperfection of it makes it perfect.

"Let me be your addiction. Let me fix what I broke," Mitchie pleads against his lips, cupping her hands around his face.

Shane kisses her more.

Her eyes close.

Effortlessly.

"You already are and you already did," Shane whispers, kissing her one last time before sticking his cigarette into her mouth.

Mitchie takes a drag before blowing smoke in his face and standing up, stomping on the cigarette. She opens the front door and almost walks in until Shane pulls her back outside and kisses her forcefully (Shane freaking Gray gets what he wants).

She's heard that cigarettes are supposed to make you feel lazy and tired, but this kiss is anything but lazy, and it's most definitely not TIRED. Fire courses through her veins and her heart palpitates wildly in her chest as she relishes – basks, actually – in the fact that her and Shane are back together and she can close her eyes, and his kisses are sending her sky high.

"I take it you missed me?" Mitchie giggles breathlessly when they part.

"I take it you need to be quiet and let me kiss you some more. We have a lot of lost time to make up for, babe."

_He's calling me babe like he used to!_

Everything's happening so fast (remember? Shane freaking Gray gets what he wants), but Mitchie doesn't mind.

When they walk inside, everyone complains that they smell like cigarettes and Shane really needs to stop.

"I already did," he smiles at Mitchie.

Mitchie smiles back.

_He's got a new addiction now._

**lights will guide you home  
and ignite your bones  
and i will try to fix you.**

--

goodness gracious i wrote that all in two days...

i'm very proud of the turn-out. (: this was such a fun story to write, and i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it!!

oh, and marlboro cigarettes company place...PLZ TO NOT BE SUING ME. D:

haha, seriously dudes, don't sue me. that wouldn't be cool, considering i'm TOTES BROKEEEEE.

**please review with more than "so cute" or "i loved it," thanks! :D**


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